Sleep, or rather lack of it, is a much often blogged/talked about subject by mummies. I seriously undervalued it before I became a mummy myself and definitely didn’t appreciate what sleep deprivation would do to my mental health!! You know how everyone always says, sleep deprivation is a form of torture, they really aren’t wrong!
When I had Henry I’m pretty sure I was JUST on the cusp of a that post natal sadness really taking hold. I had a really difficult birth with him and felt, physically, quite awful after but I was really lucky and he settled into a predictable sleep pattern quite quickly. It’s only now I truly understand how good he was!
I was definitely tired, but having only him at the time gave me a fair amount of time for rest and he was a great little napper!
This time, though I had a great birth experience, I haven’t been quite so lucky on the baby sleep front. Typically when I also have another child to look after! Don’t get me wrong, it is certainly not terrible, but neither is it great! This most definitely contributed to the pretty awful anxiety I had after having Floss. Not only did this affect my mental wellbeing, I’ve also really noticed how my parental abilities are affected by the amount of Z’s I caught the night before.
Take yesterday for example, the night before was fairly unsettled from about 1.30am. Floss is still in our room as we live in a 2 bed flat and I don’t want to disturb Henry’s sleep if I can help it. I went to sleep that night around 10.30-11 so probably had about 2-3 hours decent sleep before the party started.
This was most definitely reflected in the amount of patience I had in the day. We had various upsets from the older one, not wanting to get ready, not wanting to go out, wanting a snack after a packet of crisps and a kit Kat, but not wanting fruit. As well as this, we had very little sleep from the younger one and clingy miserable behaviour 👍🏻.
Now I’m not saying, had I had a full nights sleep, none of those situations would have arisen. What I am sort of saying is that I would definitely have dealt with them better. Then you have a vicious cycle of feeling bad and feeling mad, which is quite honestly a bit crappy.
Not only am I a rubbish mum on these days but I am also a rubbish slimming worlder. I just want to eat chocolate, I feel I deserve chocolate and I don’t have the willpower to stop myself or really care about it.
I know it is sleep making me feel this way because on the days following a plentiful sleep I can face the biggest melt downs with a sympathetic mind. This is then reflected in the behaviour of both children and we all have a much happier, more energetic day! Plus I don’t eat crap…
On those days where my Z bank is running low I often sit and fantasise about there being a tablet you could take, or a drink you could drink, that could completely replenish your energy. So far I am yet to find one.
Having said all this, somehow you do survive, even if you’re a more withered, bad tempered and slightly unhinged version of your former self.